Tuesday, 14 August 2012

A letter to an old friend.

Hi,

The reason i am doing this here is because it will actually never get to you, i am just writing this all here because i need the world to know, maybe one day you'll stumble upon this but you wont be able to figure out if i wrote it for you or not. Anyway, so lets start. I have known you for think 5 years now and for the last three of them i have hated you, envied you, and felt a whole lot of unsettling feelings. As always, for you it will always be my fault. For me, its yours. There is no point in pointing fingers anymore, its been far too long and i have had this conversation with our only mutual friend quite a few times and even he agrees that it wasn't my fault, it was yours, but he'll never have the balls to admit it infront of you because he is scared of losing you. He is not scared if losing me, i don't matter much to him anyway, out of sight out of mind right.

I am not here to tell you who was wrong or who was right, i am just here to tell you that i actually thought of you as a friend, i actually tried my best to hide my pain and my suffering while you had your fun and made me look like the fool but i still tried to make it work, i still wanted to make it work between us. I gave it my all and you just took it for granted, you used me and when you were done with me, you said your goodbye and you moved on, where as i am still stuck here with all the scars. It must feeel good to know that you shattered someone so much that they can't even move on, Its been three years since i last heard from you and even till this day, my cuts haven't healed. You are probably asleep right now, all sound asleep, you have no idea i am writing this or that i even feel this.

Sometimes i think, if you found out how hurt i am because of you, you'd feel bad, you might regret doing what you did, but then reality hits me. You don't regret it, you never will, because you didn't care then and you don't care now. You had three years for confrontation, you never did once. Anyway, i don't want to make this long. I hope you are happy, i do cause i wouldn't wish bad for anyone, but i really do hate you for what you did and i hope one day you realise what you did. I am not looking for an apology, it wont change anything. i just want you to realise what you did.

take care,
Maryam. 

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